And that’s OK!! A revelation I had last weekend, “ I really CAN’T do it all.” I’m not sure why this was such a surprise. I guess I’ve always been able to wear my many hats and make it all work, no matter how hard it may be; but not last weekend. It wasn’t a extremely hard week: 3 days at work (Mon- Wed.) Then pack me and my 2 kiddos up and off for a weekend with the youth group for youth convention with late night concerts, fine arts competitions and lots of fun right? Did I mention my kids are 4 months and 4 years old? I felt awful when we got to the hotel and I realize I hadn’t done anything to prepare for the Youth Pastor’s Wife part of the trip… No goody bags, no snacks, no bookmarks with scriptures on them.. Now I don’t mean to brag but I’ve always been awesome at this part of my role as a minister. I love getting to spend that time away with the teenage girls… staying up late, girl talk, really connecting with our students. But this weekend I was so busy making sure I had everything for MY own kiddos that I didn’t even think about it! My four month old was so fussy I had to leave the convention early every night. My 4 year old was whiney and bored… I felt bad for her, our hotel was right in front of the indoor pool and we only got to swim once the whole time. Guilt, Guilt, Guilt. Guilt that this wasn’t a vacation for my kids. Guilt that I wasn’t getting to even spend time with my youth group, let alone pour into their lives. Guilt that I couldn’t connect with other ministers and their wives. Guilt that I was cranky to my husband because I was trying to be a single mom for the weekend so he could do what he was there to do. So after having a breakdown on the phone with my husband while I was at the hotel with 2 fussy kids… I realized I can’t do it all. And that’s ok. Really it IS OK! We don’t HAVE to be perfect at everything. We can mess up. This is a season of my life (thank you TORI). One day my kids will be older and not so fussy. One day I’ll go back to my former glory of being a minister’s wife. This time it just didn’t happen.. But you know what… God still loves me.. He’s helping me become a better wife, mother, spiritual leader with every experience. And I won’t give up… I’ll keep trying, keep failing- I’m sure, but I’ll never give up on what he’s called me to do. I hope you can find some encouragement in this post!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Provision
God has ALWAYS taken care of us. Despite what some might think going to a Christian college or seminary is not cheap, and working in ministry is usually not the highest paying job. That being said, God has never let us go without- well without necessities at least. Of course I’m sure I’ve missed seeing God do incredible things several times because I chose to put it on my credit card instead of letting Him provide. And now I am paying for that- with GOBS of interest.
But we are trying, trying to rely on God more and on ourselves- our own wisdom and understanding about money- less. For instance, in the last 6 months we have: had the alternator replaced in one vehicle, air conditioners fixed in 2 vehicles, had a new baby- which meant I was out of work for about 8 weeks, had flat tires- 2 or 3 I think, gas has gone up, and today my husband is putting spark plugs in the car- hoping that is the problem and not something bigger.
But also in the last 6 months we have had thousands of dollars come into our hands unexpectedly! And someone gave us a car! I’m not kidding! I’ve also had an increase in pay 2 times, a decrease in child care cost, bought a new laptop- not on credit- and started a new job venture.
But deep down on the inside I think- Come on God why couldn’t you have provided those thousands of dollars on top of taking care of everything else. I would love that new car- or a REAL vacation- or a day at the spa! It’s a battle inside- a battle against my selfish nature. A battle to fight off the urge to charge the card just because I deserve it. A battle to use the money that God’s given me as best as I can. And honestly I fail, everyday. Almost everyday last week, I got Starbucks- probably shouldn’t have. And I went out to lunch or breakfast several times even though that isn’t really in the budget.
When we give our money to God- we are tithers- we do our best to expect that he will take care of us. I’ve been dreaming of getting a “new to us” car for at least the last year and a half and it hasn’t happened yet but- if the spark plugs work- we are taken care of. And if the spark plugs don’t work- God will show us again that He will take care of the rest.
So what about you? How do you struggle with understanding God’s provision? How has God shown himself to you in this area?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Introduction to the Pastor’s Wife
First of all let me say that I do NOT find my identity in that title “pastor’s wife”. Actually if given a list of titles to describe me- daughter, friend, mother, teacher, Christian, – Pastor’s wife may fall lower on the list than some may think. My purpose in beginning this blog is to 1) create a “safe place” for other minister’s wives to vent, discuss, and just read about someone like them. 2) to entertain- really my life can be quite entertaining at times- comedy, drama, suspense- I’ve got it all! 3) Probably the main reason for this blog is to dispel any myth about people in ministry feeling like they must be perfect. Let’s be honest we are FAR from perfect. I mean besides the fact that the Bible says: “All fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23- Yes I had to look that up, even though I went to Bible college!- Anyway, even though that truth is in the Bible, we really don’t even have to look there. The truth is pretty evident in our life- no matter how hard we may feel the need to try to hide it.
So why do we try sooo hard to hide the fact that we ARE imperfect people? Well, I’m not going to try so hard anymore. I feel like if I am more transparent, maybe you or someone else, can connect with me in our imperfections. Maybe we will laugh about it, or maybe we will cry about it, or maybe we will fight about it, but through all of that maybe we will connect and maybe God will be seen through our relationship. That is my prayer and my purpose… So here we go ! Let me know your thoughts on the subject…